Archive for the ‘Counseling’ Category

I have witnessed first hand a clear picture of the decline in morality that is around us everyday. It’s my guess that a good percentage of folks do not even examine their morals before taking action on decisions in their lives. Just recently I have experienced teenagers and twenty-somethings being positively reinforced for the lack of examining their morals before making life-altering decisions. Unfortunately, many of those teenagers and twenty-somethings are being taught their immorality by watching the adults in their lives.

What are we pretending not to know? Somehow I believe that people truly believe that they are going to escape the consequences of immorality. That they are bullet-proof to the gun of life! We believe we are entitled to happiness and peace yet are not willing to put forth the obedience to get there. Our microwave society that screams I want it and I want it now lacks the patience to do what it takes to create the happiness and the peace desired. This moral way of life is not popular, it doesn’t look like our wordly view of fun, but it sustains life storms without fail.

When we are clear with our morals and our values, the everyday decisions of life become much easier to make. I challenge you to be weird this week! Examine and obey your morals and claim the victory that is waiting for you!

Happiness is temporary, but joy is eternal. Happiness depends upon outward experiences, but joy comes from within.

This quote from Adrian Rogers hit me over the weekend and I have been processing as I start this week. No one can take our joy from us…we can only give it away. There are many things that influence my happiness on a daily basis but how often do we consider the joy that is still present within us.

The word happy means “lucky,” and comes from the word hap which means “chance, fortune;” sense of “very glad”. In World War II the word happy was actually used to define a state of being “dazed or frazzled from stress.” I don’t know about you but I don’t want to lean on lucky, chance, fortune, sense of very glad or dazed or frazzled from stress. I want to lean on something that sustains……JOY!

If you put your trust in happiness, you will fall victim to circumstance because your happenstance will change. Happiness is like cosmetic and joy is like character. What will you lead with today?

I have used the 5 Love Languages book for quite a while and most of you have probably read it (if not go get it). It’s always good to have a reminder…take the profile below:

I’m honored to have an article written about me on examiner.com. Check it out here: Top Life Coach in Kansas City area.

I encourage you to check our some of the other articles on the site and thanks for following my blog.

The rear view mirror of our life holds many things. Looking into the rear view mirror of life can be motivating and awakening if there have been intentional steps taken on our journey! As I approach a milestone birthday in life I believe now is as good as any time to look into the rear view of life at the intentional steps that have positioned me right here, right now!

From the time I was 10 years old I was searching for something significant in my life. I searched many places high and low and got hung up in many behaviors that were potentially destructive. I thought that I had found significance a few times along the way, only to find out that it was selfish desires that were getting in the way. I kept plugging through life knowing there was something greater that I was created for; although I didn’t really have an understanding of what that was or how to attain it. Why out of all people should I have purpose? The REAL question was……WHY NOT?!?

The past doesn’t define me but it did allow me to be molded into who I am today. Molded into a man that can be used for the greater good. I can write this article, safe from the destruction that could have been, and in an awesome place in life because I have a purpose. There was a plan for my life even when I didn’t understand that plan. All of the years of searching for something greater paid off. That something greater for me has been understanding and embracing a relationship with God. He created me and He created you for a purpose greater than our human understanding. He is enough! I am enough!

Embrace your rear view mirror today and allow it to propel you into embracing what He created you for….You are enough!

Those things that bother you about someone else could be just your answer to happiness! What?? Yes, you heard me correctly. Have you ever though about why we find some people annoying? Consider this…things that we find annoying in others may just be a reflection of what we do not like about ourselves!

For example, a person may say:

It is really annoying how Sally is always gossiping about other people.

This person may be projecting, as a defense mechanism, a behavior which they dislike about themselves…gossiping!

Now I’m not suggesting that everything that annoys you about another person is a reflection what you dislike about yourself, but it is interesting to think about. If we can decipher those things that are actually a representation of what we do not like about ourselves, we can be a step closer to the desired happiness after we deal with it!

So, what is bothering you?

I was reading Seth Godin’s post titled “Who is easily manipulated?” from his blog the other day and it struck me in a powerful way. The post discusses manipulation in a way that I believe everyone can learn something about themselves whether they feel manipulated or not.  Seth states “I define manipulation as working to spread an idea or generate an action that is not in a person’s long-term best interest.”

I know there have been many situations in my life where my best interest was not in the other person’s mind. I know there have been situations in my life where I didn’t have the other person’s best interest in mind. What would it look like if our desire was to spread an idea or generate an action with a person’s long-term best interest in mind?

As I read about manipulation, I was prompted to think about people who are in desperate situations in life. I have always said that “desperate people do desperate things”, and most of the time the desperate things result in not having someone’s best interest in mind. It is difficult to be on that end of a person’s desperate situation. Although, with some awareness through past experiences, it is possible to see the manipulation coming down the line.

He also states:

The easiest people to manipulate are those that don’t demand a lot of information, are open to messages from authority figures and are willing to make decisions on a hunch, particularly if there’s a promise of short-term gains.

In our media driven world it is easy to get hung up in this kind of manipulation! A good number of teens that I see in my practice are buying into the promise of short-term gains. Many individuals in marriage are buying into the promise of short-term gains. A lot of the hurts that we experience have been because in some way we have bought into the lie that we don’t need a lot of information to make our choices. We can make them on a whim and everything will work out. No matter if it is financial, emotional, spiritual or physical gain we need to be aware of what we are being sold so we don’t get knocked off track!

We learn how to be a mom or a dad by the way we were parented. We learn how to treat our sons and daughters by the way we were treated by our parents. We learn how to be husbands and wives by the way our dads treated our moms and how our moms treated our dads.

Our children are learning in the same fashion that we did!

Some of had great modeling growing up and some of us had less than desirable modeling growing up. What are you going to do about the way you learned about marriage and parenting today?

Investing in oursleves by looking at where we came from can be just the ticket we have been looking for. Since we cannot change or heal what we don’t first acknowledge, it is imparative that we examine our lives if we anticipate to correct our “out of line” ways of doing things. It’s not about blaming our parents in any way; it’s about assuming accountability for what we are doing present day.
What are you going to change today?

What areas of your life are needing intention today?

Originally posted as a comment
by bvignery
on Bryan E. Vignery, LPC using DISQUS.

Over the past four years the word intention has been a buzz word for me. I decided to look up the word intention today on Websters I was struck by one of the definitions:

“A determination to act in a certain way”.

After reading that I was lead to see what Websters said about determination!

“The act of deciding definitely and firmly. The result of such an act of decision. Firm or fixed intention to achieve a desired end. The resolving of a question by argument or reasoning.”

I believe many people have good intentions and many people with good intentions lack the determination to bring them to fruition. Intention needs result and we get to result through determination. Without result we stay stagnant and limit growth in our lives.

As I hold my son and write this post, I am reminded about the amount of determination and intention that is required to be a parent and a husband. I am determined to commit intentionally to see the results desired in these two areas of my life. What areas of your life are needing intention today?