Marraige
Marriage tips, thoughts, topics, etc.
Merry Christmas and may the Peace of the Lord be present in your life during this season. As I think about all of the events of 2011 I am led to highlight the concept of giving. This has been a year where I have seen many people give to those in need right here in our local communities. In the midst of the negative that is around us in our world, let us not overlook the many blessings that we can offer to those around us during this time of year. I hope that your Christmas is filled with gifts from God!
Blessings,
Bryan
“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened. ”You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him. (Matthew 7:7-11 NLT)
Shame has been discussed since the early part of the Book of Genesis when Adam and Eve exhibited their shame by immediately covering themselves up after the fall. Shame is a natural expression of feeling overexposed in a particular situation or event. There is a point where this shame moves past a healthy shame into what John Bradshaw calls Toxic Shame. As we move through life, we can have a tendency to get caught up and Trapped in the Silence of Shame.
In the below video, Bryan gives a perspective on how we get trapped in this shame and how to start working our way out! This inspiring 40-minute presentation will not only help you understand how we get trapped in shame but will help you have an awareness of how to move past the shame that becomes so toxic in your life.
If you want more information on Bryan and his services, please feel free to contact him through the CONTACT US form or call him at 913-568-8276.
If you would like to download the PowerPoint slides for this presentation you can do so by this link: TrappedInTheSilenceOfShame.
One thing that has personally impacted me over the past handful of years is the topic of respect. As I sat on a Southwest flight heading to Boise, Idaho, I was reminded as a teenage girl was asked multiple times to turn off her cell phone because the door to the cabin was shut, that disrespect is all around us. She was one of probably 30 people who had to be reminded to turn off their electronic devices so I’m not trying to pick on teenagers and I’m not discounting the fact that there can be legitimate emergencies that need to be taken care of. Now this may be small on the grand scheme of things but I believe it is a representation of the attitude across many areas of our society.
Maybe you are with me in thinking that there is a lot of disrespect going on in our world today. Families seem to have lost the respect that they once had for each other. Businesses seem to have lost their perspective on respect in the workplace to their employees or vendors. Marriages have seen a steep decline in the respect for each other. People have seemed to lose respect for material possessions and property. What is causing this decline of respect in our culture?
I believe the answer is multi-faceted and very complex although we have to pick a point and start calling out disrespect. The lack of present fathers in the home has contributed significantly to the decline of respect in families. This includes fathers that are physically present but emotionally, mentally and spiritually checked out. Greed and pride has contributed to the loss of respect in businesses by placing profit over people. The lack of commitment based marriages are susceptible to disrespect. And the mindset that we live in a disposable world contributes to the lack of respect for property and possessions.
I remember in my growing up years, disrespect was not an option and would not be tolerated. If I were to blatantly disrespect someone in the home or out of the home, there were significant consequences to my actions. I cannot tell you how many times I have had parents and their teen in my office for counseling and I witness first hand words coming from the teenagers mouth toward the parents that are repulsive and rude. Flat out disrespectful! And the sad thing is that some of the parents do not even see it as disrespect because they have been so desensitized to respect.
How do you see the lack of respect around you? How have you been disrespected by those that are close to you?
A few weeks ago I was having a conversation with a friend about tolerance in our world. I believe we have strayed far away from truth so much that we are blinded as a world by tolerance. The following Sunday after this conversation was had, I was at a service at our church and Pastor Clint throws out this quote:
“We live in a society that has exalted things like tolerance, diversity, peace, and harmony so much that I fear we may value them more than TRUTH.” – Clint Sprague
This started me on a quest throughout the last couple of weeks of looking for the tolerance around me. As a therapist, many of my patients are a reflection of tolerance taken too far. They moved too far from the “truth line” and are struggling with getting back on track. We are not intended to do life alone so getting some feedback from those that we trust can be extremely beneficial.
Let’s take an internal look at tolerance. Each of us have formulated our belief systems through our life experiences, wether good or bad, over the course of our lives. Now I’m not necessarily talking about our moral belief system. I’m talking about beliefs that people subscribe to about people, places, events, self, etc. From the time we were born we have learned some things correctly and some things incorrectly. We have standards that we develop for ourselves and quite frankly. Some of those standards are so far from the “truth line” that we lose our way over a lengthy timeline. I believe that defines a good portion of our world!
Some of us, through this journey, have made radical changes toward a belief system that incorporates God and biblical truth. So let’s get real basic, if we believe in God, why would we tolerate the things that we tell ourselves about people, places, things and especially ourselves? The bible tells us in Genesis 1:27:
So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.
Do we throw out that “truth line” because we have gotten of course? Do we adjust our “truth line” so it reads that God created some people in his image but not me? Without a “truth line” we do not embrace true joy and peace.
I would like to hear what makes up your “truth line”? What do you find is the best way to get back when you have strayed too far?
You deserve to be intentional in many areas of your life. One of the areas that I will challenge you in is your marriage. Whether you are married or engaged, your relationship needs time and attention in order to make it successful. Don’t miss this opportunity to examine the effectiveness of your marriage and be more connected and intimate with your spouse.
Led by Marriage Coaches:
Bryan and Stephanie Vignery
Gary and Christy Kuzmich
Our mission is to assist couples to plot a course through intentional choices that result in action that empowers growth. Today’s marriages need intention more than ever before. With the divorce rate at approximately 50% percent for first marriages, 67% for second and 74% for third marriages, couples need to spend time looking at what is important in keeping marriage fresh and alive! We are committed to helping couples reach a new level of effectiveness in their marriage.
Remember why you were attracted to your spouse? Was it magnetic? Today others are looking for radiant marriages that they can model. So what is the attraction power in a marriage? It is knowing who you are as an individual and being committed to a marriage vision and mission that creates radiance! Intentional marriages lead to a deeper level of intimacy and fulfillment that transcends and attracts.
LOCATION
11100 Ash Street, Suite 100
Leawood, KS 66211
Friday March 25th 7pm – 10:30pm
Saturday March 26th 8:30am – 2:30pm
Friday March 26th 7pm – 10:30pm
Saturday March 27th 8:30am – 2:30pm
Conference Price $395 per couple.
As you embrace 2011 you deserve to be intentional in many areas of your life. One of the areas that I will challenge you in is your marriage. Whether you are married or engaged, your relationship needs time and attention in order to make it successful. Don’t miss this opportunity to examine the effectiveness of your marriage and start 2011 more connected and intimate with your spouse.
Led by Marriage Coaches:
Bryan and Stephanie Vignery
Gary and Christy Kuzmich
Our mission is to assist couples to plot a course through intentional choices that result in action that empowers growth. Today’s marriages need intention more than ever before. With the divorce rate at approximately 50% percent for first marriages, 67% for second and 74% for third marriages, couples need to spend time looking at what is important in keeping marriage fresh and alive! We are committed to helping couples reach a new level of effectiveness in their marriage.
Remember why you were attracted to your spouse? Was it magnetic? Today others are looking for radiant marriages that they can model. So what is the attraction power in a marriage? It is knowing who you are as an individual and being committed to a marriage vision and mission that creates radiance! Intentional marriages lead to a deeper level of intimacy and fulfillment that transcends and attracts.
LOCATION
11100 Ash Street, Suite 100
Leawood, KS 66211
Friday November 19th 7pm – 10:30pm
Saturday November 20th 8:30am – 2:30pm
Conference Price $395 per couple.
I wish everyone a Very Merry Christmas and I hope that you and your family are Blessed this Holiday Season and may 2011 be full of growth!
The drama triangle (sometimes known as the victim triangle) is a model of dysfunctional social interaction, created by psychotherapist Stephen Karpman. The triangle consists of three ineffective, passive-aggressive responses to conflict. Participants playing a role in a drama triangle create misery for themselves and for others by playing either the Victim Role, Rescuer Role, or the Persecutor Role.
The three psychological roles (or roleplays) which people often take in a situation are as follows.
As the drama plays out, people may suddenly switch roles, or change tactics, and others will often switch unconsciously to match the opposing roles.
A father arrives home for dinner 30-minutes late and is interrupted by a bicycle in the garage that is preventing him from pulling his car into his spot. He walks in the house and immediately starts to blame the kids (Victims) for leaving the bicycle in the garage instead of putting it away. (Persecutor) His blaming stance triggers the mom to step in and get between dad and the kids. (Rescuer) As she steps in she then she blames her husband and says that none of this would have happened is he would have more respect for her and the kids and not be late for dinner. (Persecutor) The husband then responds, “I’m just not appreciated around here for all of the work that I do to provide for this family.” (Victim) He turns around and goes back to the garage mumbling about how he is being treated and begins to put the bicycle away where it belongs (Victim). The child that left the bicycle in the garage, gets up from the dinner table and goes to the garage and helps dad clean up the mess and apologizes for being the one to blame that mom and dad are fighting. (Rescuer)
In order to get off of the Drama Triangle:
Top Stressors During the Holidays