Trapped in the Silence of Shame
Shame has been discussed since the early part of the Book of Genesis when Adam and Eve exhibited their shame by immediately covering themselves up after the fall. Shame is a natural expression of feeling overexposed in a particular situation or event. There is a point where this shame moves past a healthy shame into what John Bradshaw calls Toxic Shame. As we move through life, we can have a tendency to get caught up and Trapped in the Silence of Shame.
In the below video, Bryan gives a perspective on how we get trapped in this shame and how to start working our way out! This inspiring 40-minute presentation will not only help you understand how we get trapped in shame but will help you have an awareness of how to move past the shame that becomes so toxic in your life.
If you want more information on Bryan and his services, please feel free to contact him through the CONTACT US form or call him at 913-568-8276.
If you would like to download the PowerPoint slides for this presentation you can do so by this link: TrappedInTheSilenceOfShame.
The Power of Change
CHOICE: Catalyst for Change
Choice is POWER. Choice is FREE WILL. It can bring us closer to or further from our dreams. Each decision I make points me to the road of success or the path of mediocrity.
Many of us act as if were in rudderless boats drifting in the sea of life. Our destination? Who knows? We arrive wherever the currents and tides take us. But it doesn’t have to be that way. You see, the boat we’re in has a rudder! It can steer us to the shore of success. That rudder is CHOICE. If we use it with intention, we can become the captain of our destiny.
What is your rudder? Is it friends? Is it events? Is it the fixed dysfunctional beliefs of your past? It’s time to challenge your rudder and cast a vision for your life! If you don’t, someone or something with choose it for you!
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to CHOOSE our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” – Viktor Frankl.
Holiday Stress
Well whether we like it or not the holidays are right around the corner and that means Thanksgiving Dinners, Christmas parties, family visits, in-laws, children’s school functions, Christmas shopping, etc. Are you feeling stressed yet? Let’s look at some of the top stressors during the Holidays and the ways to reduce the stress that can normally happen around this season.
Top Stressors During the Holidays
- Relationships
- Relationships can cause turmoil, conflict or stress at any time, but tensions are often heightened during the holidays. Family misunderstandings and conflicts can intensify, especially while spending several days together in the same house.
- On the other hand, facing the holidays without a loved one can be tough and leave you feeling lonely and sad.
- Finances
- With the added expenses of gifts, travel, food and entertainment, the holidays can make a big impact on your budget. It also can impact your peace of mind and be a joy robber during the time of year where joy is to be embraced.
- Overspending can mean financial worries for months to come.
- Physical Stress
- Even the most excited holiday enthusiasts may find that the extra shopping and socializing can leave them wiped out. Being exhausted increases your stress, and creates a vicious cycle in your relationships. Exercise and sleep are good solutions for stress and fatigue and many times they may take a back seat to chores and errands. To top it off, exhaustion makes you more susceptible to colds and other health concerns.
Reducing Stress During the Holidays
- Relationships
- Seek support. Lean on family, friends, religious or community organizations. Also, consider volunteering your time to help others.
- Set differences aside. Accept your family members for who they are. Keep in mind that you are the only person that you can change.
- Learn to say no. People will understand. You can’t do everything. If they don’t understand, let them deal with their expectations instead of you trying to fix them.
- Finances
- Before you go gift and food shopping, decide how much money you can afford to spend and then stick to your budget. Don’t go overboard with a multitude of gifts. Here are some alternatives you could try: Donate to a charity in someone’s name, give homemade gifts or start a family gift exchange. Keep in mind it’s the relationships in our lives that are most important.
- Physical Stress
- Acknowledge your feelings. Whether you’re sad and lonely or frazzled and frustrated, let it out.
- Be realistic. You can only do so much!
- Plan ahead. Schedule shopping, cooking and visiting so you don’t get caught in a last minute rush.
- Don’t abandon healthy habits. Indulge in moderation.
- Take a breather. Even if it’s just 15 minutes, take some time for yourself.
- Seek support
- Talk about your anxiety with your friends and family. Getting things out in the open can help you navigate your feelings and work toward a solution for your stress. If you continue to feel overwhelmed, consider seeing a professional to help you develop coping strategies and better manage your stress.
Thought and Character
I came across a little book called “As A Man Thinketh”, by James Allen. James Allen is partly responsible for launching an entire self-improvement industry starting back in late 1800′s. His thoughts that are captured in what he called his “little volume” are inspiring and thought provoking.
Right out of the gate of his book I found the following passage that loaded with insight that I believe we could all use as the foundation of our lives.
As the plant springs from, and could not be without, the seed, so every act of man springs from the hidden seeds of thought, and could not have appeared without them. This applies equally to those acts called “spontaneous” and “unpremeditated” as to those which are deliberately executed.
Act is the blossom of thought, and joy and suffering are its fruit; thus does a man garner in the sweet and bitter fruitage of his own husbandry.
As I processed these two paragraphs I found a lot of clarity about actions that are made in life. This statement significantly impressed me; “every act of man springs from the hidden seeds of thought”. What are the hidden seeds of thought that keep producing seeds of suffering for you?
The seeds of thoughts (beliefs) grow over time and become roots that reach deep into the soil of your life. Those roots support the branches of character (values). The branches produce the fruit in our lives. What kind of fruit do you want in your life? If you are not seeing the desired fruit around you, there are some thoughts (beliefs) that need some help!
James goes on to make the following point:
Cause and effect are as absolute and undeviating in the hidden realm of thought as in the world of visible and material things. A noble and God-like character is not a thing of favor or chance, but is the natural result of continued effort of right thinking, the effect of long-cherished association with God-like thoughts. An ignoble and bestial character, by the same process, is the result of the continued harboring of groveling thoughts.
It takes more than just the positive thinking that some will practice. It takes the effort of modifying the core thoughts (beliefs) to eradicate the “ignoble and bestial character” and embrace the God-like character that I believe we all desire, whether we give God the credit or not. Take some time this week to challenge your thoughts (beliefs) that are creating suffering…and remember, we all were created for joy!
For those of you who are like me and are not sure what the word husbandry means, here is the definition: the cultivation and production of edible crops or of animals for food; agriculture; farming.
Manipulation and Desperation
I was reading Seth Godin’s post titled “Who is easily manipulated?” from his blog the other day and it struck me in a powerful way. The post discusses manipulation in a way that I believe everyone can learn something about themselves whether they feel manipulated or not. Seth states “I define manipulation as working to spread an idea or generate an action that is not in a person’s long-term best interest.”
I know there have been many situations in my life where my best interest was not in the other person’s mind. I know there have been situations in my life where I didn’t have the other person’s best interest in mind. What would it look like if our desire was to spread an idea or generate an action with a person’s long-term best interest in mind?
As I read about manipulation, I was prompted to think about people who are in desperate situations in life. I have always said that “desperate people do desperate things”, and most of the time the desperate things result in not having someone’s best interest in mind. It is difficult to be on that end of a person’s desperate situation. Although, with some awareness through past experiences, it is possible to see the manipulation coming down the line.
He also states:
The easiest people to manipulate are those that don’t demand a lot of information, are open to messages from authority figures and are willing to make decisions on a hunch, particularly if there’s a promise of short-term gains.
In our media driven world it is easy to get hung up in this kind of manipulation! A good number of teens that I see in my practice are buying into the promise of short-term gains. Many individuals in marriage are buying into the promise of short-term gains. A lot of the hurts that we experience have been because in some way we have bought into the lie that we don’t need a lot of information to make our choices. We can make them on a whim and everything will work out. No matter if it is financial, emotional, spiritual or physical gain we need to be aware of what we are being sold so we don’t get knocked off track!