Posts Tagged ‘behavior’

Empowerment Language is used to self-empower rather than self-sabotage. Making statements based on TRUTH (self-empowerment) rather than LIES (self-sabotage) opens the creative process. When we use Empowerment Language it creates a solution model rather than a permission model.

Permission Model

*    Muted tone of voice and distant

*    Closed and ashamed body language

*     Soft and sporadic eye contact

*    Doubtful and weak attitude

When a person is working from the Permission Model, they are working from the victim role. They are looking through the typical glasses or lenses that haven’t been challenged. The Permission Model creates a set of behaviors that are not working for the individual. It is like running into walls time after time, all day long.

In the Victim Role, a person has Blind Spots that are getting in their way, they have a tendency to Blame Others, they get stuck in the “I Can’t” Excuses, and they sit for a period of time in the Wait and Hope mode of life. The “Whoa is me!” attitude.

When you are working from the Permission Model, what do YOU create in your life?

Solution Model

*    Strong and direct tone of voice that is convincing to self and others

*    Body language that is tall and proud and communicates confidence

*    Firm and continuous eye contact that ensures security

*    Confirming and believable attitude

Working from the Solution Model, you are creating a new set of behaviors and communication that are working for you. Let’s call it the Behavioral Method. The Behavioral Method is a specific structure of external and internal experiences, which consistently produces a specific behavioral result. It is when your thoughts, communication, and your behaviors are congruent. This would be working from the Accountability Role.

In the Accountability Roles, there is an Acknowledgment of Reality, the person will Own It the situation and their own part in it, they will Find Solutions to the situation and they they will GIG IT (Get It Going).

When you are working from the Solution Model, what do YOU create in you life?

Last night a gave a presentation to a group of Focus Seminar graduates entitled “Creative Communication”. It seems that every time I talk about communication I have some more insight of how to grow through effective communication so I wanted to share some of it with whomever takes the time to read this blog.

Based on a study of communication at the University of Pennsylvania in 1970 (Kinesics and Communication, R. Birdwhistle), the researchers determined that in communication, 7% of what we communicate is the result of the words that we say, or the content of our communication. 38% of our communication to others is a result of our verbal behavior, which includes tone of voice, timbre, tempo, and volume. 55% of our communication to others is a result of our nonverbal communication, our body posture, breathing, skin color and our movement. The match between our verbal and non-verbal communication indicates the level of congruency.

These research results has always astounded me when I think about the way that I communicate on a daily basis. Is also has helped me identify the areas where I run into conflict with my communication. It all goes back to the way that I filter and process events that are taking place around me. If we are not careful, we will filter and process the events based upon experiences of the past and the result ends up being less than desirable.

The illustration to the right represents how we process the information that comes into us from the outside. An event takes place and is observed through the five senses. The event is then taken through an internal process that can skew and distort the event itself. We then respond with communication and behaviors.

The first filter is the BELIEF SYSTEM. These are the generalizations about how the world is. Those beliefs that back you in a corner and fail at allowing you to see from a new point of view. This belief system contains the values that you hold in high regard. Beliefs are the assumptions that we hold about the way the world is that either empower or destroy our perspective. Beliefs are essentially our ability to create what we want in the world. In the process of working with someone’s beliefs, it is important to find out what beliefs cause you to do what you do. We also want to find out the disabling beliefs, the ones that do not allow you to do what you want to do.

The JUDGMENT filter is based upon the values we hold in high regard. This includes judgment of the event, person, and self.

As information is filtered through the belief system and judged, it is EVALUATED based upon the filter.

RESPONSES may create beliefs, or may just affect our perceptions through time. Some of our responses are unconsciously made based upon previous experiences. Our responses can be made up of the defense mechanisms that can get in our way. Our response puts us in a certain state. The state in which we find ourselves, will determine our emotional reaction and behavioral reaction.

What were some of your beliefs, judgments, evaluations or responses that get in your way of life?

Those things that bother you about someone else could be just your answer to happiness! What?? Yes, you heard me correctly. Have you ever though about why we find some people annoying? Consider this…things that we find annoying in others may just be a reflection of what we do not like about ourselves!

For example, a person may say:

It is really annoying how Sally is always gossiping about other people.

This person may be projecting, as a defense mechanism, a behavior which they dislike about themselves…gossiping!

Now I’m not suggesting that everything that annoys you about another person is a reflection what you dislike about yourself, but it is interesting to think about. If we can decipher those things that are actually a representation of what we do not like about ourselves, we can be a step closer to the desired happiness after we deal with it!

So, what is bothering you?