Shame has been discussed since the early part of the Book of Genesis when Adam and Eve exhibited their shame by immediately covering themselves up after the fall. Shame is a natural expression of feeling overexposed in a particular situation or event. There is a point where this shame moves past a healthy shame into what John Bradshaw calls Toxic Shame. As we move through life, we can have a tendency to get caught up and Trapped in the Silence of Shame.
In the below video, Bryan gives a perspective on how we get trapped in this shame and how to start working our way out! This inspiring 40-minute presentation will not only help you understand how we get trapped… Continue reading
Top Stressors During the Holidays
Those things that bother you about someone else could be just your answer to happiness! What?? Yes, you heard me correctly. Have you ever though about why we find some people annoying? Consider this…things that we find annoying in others may just be a reflection of what we do not like about ourselves!
For example, a person may say:
It is really annoying how Sally is always gossiping about other people.
This person may be projecting, as a defense mechanism, a behavior which they dislike about themselves…gossiping!
Now I’m not suggesting that everything that annoys you about another person is a reflection what you dislike about yourself, but it is interesting to think about. If we can decipher those things… Continue reading
Dr. John Gottman, a psychologist at the University of Washington says there are four attitudes which he has found to predict relationship failure. These are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. When these attitudes are present in a relationship, especially when more than one is present, then there is a very good chance that the relationship will not survive. Here is a breakdown of those attitudes, give yourself an honest look at which one you have a tendency to play in your relationships (either married or dating).
Okay, so we all have expectations. Some are realistic and some are not. My wife should be this. My husband should be this. My children should be behaving differently. I should be farther along in my career by now. People who drive slow should stay out of the fast lane. Do any of these sound familiar?
In the book titled, The Knight in Rusty Armor by Robert Fisher, there is a statement that has been helpful to me for years about the expectations that I have set in my life. The statement is “When you learn to accept instead of expect, you’ll have fewer disappointments.” So many times I have referred back to this quote with much… Continue reading
In today’s marriages the basis of commitment has dissolved to the point of seeing divorce rates soar through the roof. A marital model that focuses on the committment to healthy choices by both individual’s in a marriage will create an environment of intimacy. It is proven that “as partners let go of their efforts to change each other, they become less emotionally reactive, and as a result, change becomes more likely”. The comittment model encourages healthy change in the relationship with a response coming from a Growth Model instead of a Power Model. As couples find themselves working out of a Growth Model, the environment for intimacy is created and the marriage begins to thrive.
For more information or to… Continue reading