Posts Tagged ‘healthy relationship’

Empowerment Language is used to self-empower rather than self-sabotage. Making statements based on TRUTH (self-empowerment) rather than LIES (self-sabotage) opens the creative process. When we use Empowerment Language it creates a solution model rather than a permission model.

Permission Model

*    Muted tone of voice and distant

*    Closed and ashamed body language

*     Soft and sporadic eye contact

*    Doubtful and weak attitude

When a person is working from the Permission Model, they are working from the victim role. They are looking through the typical glasses or lenses that haven’t been challenged. The Permission Model creates a set of behaviors that are not working for the individual. It is like running into walls time after time, all day long.

In the Victim Role, a person has Blind Spots that are getting in their way, they have a tendency to Blame Others, they get stuck in the “I Can’t” Excuses, and they sit for a period of time in the Wait and Hope mode of life. The “Whoa is me!” attitude.

When you are working from the Permission Model, what do YOU create in your life?

Solution Model

*    Strong and direct tone of voice that is convincing to self and others

*    Body language that is tall and proud and communicates confidence

*    Firm and continuous eye contact that ensures security

*    Confirming and believable attitude

Working from the Solution Model, you are creating a new set of behaviors and communication that are working for you. Let’s call it the Behavioral Method. The Behavioral Method is a specific structure of external and internal experiences, which consistently produces a specific behavioral result. It is when your thoughts, communication, and your behaviors are congruent. This would be working from the Accountability Role.

In the Accountability Roles, there is an Acknowledgment of Reality, the person will Own It the situation and their own part in it, they will Find Solutions to the situation and they they will GIG IT (Get It Going).

When you are working from the Solution Model, what do YOU create in you life?

We learn how to be a mom or a dad by the way we were parented. We learn how to treat our sons and daughters by the way we were treated by our parents. We learn how to be husbands and wives by the way our dads treated our moms and how our moms treated our dads.

Our children are learning in the same fashion that we did!

Some of had great modeling growing up and some of us had less than desirable modeling growing up. What are you going to do about the way you learned about marriage and parenting today?

Investing in oursleves by looking at where we came from can be just the ticket we have been looking for. Since we cannot change or heal what we don’t first acknowledge, it is imparative that we examine our lives if we anticipate to correct our “out of line” ways of doing things. It’s not about blaming our parents in any way; it’s about assuming accountability for what we are doing present day.
What are you going to change today?

Bryan,

I can’t tell you how much Gary and I loved meeting with you last Saturday. Thank you so much for making time for us. With the odds stacked against our marriage, we knew we wanted to do everything we could to start things off on the right foot. Knowing in advance which areas of our relationship could be problematic is helping us to work on those things before they become a problem. The process also reminds us how important communication is to a healthy relationship.

Many thanks for your wisdom and insight.

Re and Gary