Respect
One thing that has personally impacted me over the past handful of years is the topic of respect. As I sat on a Southwest flight heading to Boise, Idaho, I was reminded as a teenage girl was asked multiple times to turn off her cell phone because the door to the cabin was shut, that disrespect is all around us. She was one of probably 30 people who had to be reminded to turn off their electronic devices so I’m not trying to pick on teenagers and I’m not discounting the fact that there can be legitimate emergencies that need to be taken care of. Now this may be small on the grand scheme of things but I believe it is a representation of the attitude across many areas of our society.
Maybe you are with me in thinking that there is a lot of disrespect going on in our world today. Families seem to have lost the respect that they once had for each other. Businesses seem to have lost their perspective on respect in the workplace to their employees or vendors. Marriages have seen a steep decline in the respect for each other. People have seemed to lose respect for material possessions and property. What is causing this decline of respect in our culture?
I believe the answer is multi-faceted and very complex although we have to pick a point and start calling out disrespect. The lack of present fathers in the home has contributed significantly to the decline of respect in families. This includes fathers that are physically present but emotionally, mentally and spiritually checked out. Greed and pride has contributed to the loss of respect in businesses by placing profit over people. The lack of commitment based marriages are susceptible to disrespect. And the mindset that we live in a disposable world contributes to the lack of respect for property and possessions.
I remember in my growing up years, disrespect was not an option and would not be tolerated. If I were to blatantly disrespect someone in the home or out of the home, there were significant consequences to my actions. I cannot tell you how many times I have had parents and their teen in my office for counseling and I witness first hand words coming from the teenagers mouth toward the parents that are repulsive and rude. Flat out disrespectful! And the sad thing is that some of the parents do not even see it as disrespect because they have been so desensitized to respect.
How do you see the lack of respect around you? How have you been disrespected by those that are close to you?
Spouse Selection
Have you ever wondered why you selected the person that you did to be your significant other or spouse? Did you create the list of all of the qualities that you wanted and go after that person? Or did you decide that the person that found you or came across your path was just the right one without having to put a lot of effort into analyzing if it would work or not? Did you end up selecting someone just like your mom or dad without even intending to?
I often hear women say that they married someone just like their dad and men say they married someone just like their mom. Maybe you have said that many times to yourself or maybe in the midst of a lovers spat you have used that as a dig toward your spouse. You most likely didn’t go into marriage determined to select someone just like your mom or dad. But at this point of the reading you are probably realizing some similarities.
Let’s look at this selection process from a little different perspective. I believe that in our search for the right one, we select someone that most represents the parent that we have the most unfinished business with. What!?! Yes. As if we are out to conquer some sort of unconscious battle. Take a moment to think about which parent that you have the most emotional baggage with. I believe that you are subconsciously drawn to a person who will provide you with the opportunity to heal your unresolved childhood wounds. When we are on the search for a potential spouse we go for those traits that most attract us. I’m going to suggest that it is not the person’s most appealing qualities that bring us to a decision for “the one”. It is actually his or her negative traits that attract us. I’m not talking about the negative traits like someone who never picks up after themselves or squeezes the toothpaste from the top on a full tube of toothpaste, although those could be included. I’m talking about the traits that trigger issues from your past and represent an opportunity to be able to conquer that issue. Over our years of development through childhood and early adolescence, we create a psychological imprint of what our collective emotional experience represents. When we find someone who mirrors those traits, we are drawn to them in subconscious hopes that we will be free of what has held us back.
Do You Want an Intentional Marriage?
You deserve to be intentional in many areas of your life. One of the areas that I will challenge you in is your marriage. Whether you are married or engaged, your relationship needs time and attention in order to make it successful. Don’t miss this opportunity to examine the effectiveness of your marriage and be more connected and intimate with your spouse.
NAVIGATING MARRIAGE
INTENTIONAL CHOICES MARRIAGE WORKSHOP (download brochure)
Led by Marriage Coaches:
Bryan and Stephanie Vignery
Gary and Christy Kuzmich
Our mission is to assist couples to plot a course through intentional choices that result in action that empowers growth. Today’s marriages need intention more than ever before. With the divorce rate at approximately 50% percent for first marriages, 67% for second and 74% for third marriages, couples need to spend time looking at what is important in keeping marriage fresh and alive! We are committed to helping couples reach a new level of effectiveness in their marriage.
REGISTER NOW
CREATING AND SHARING A MAGNETIC MARRIAGE
Remember why you were attracted to your spouse? Was it magnetic? Today others are looking for radiant marriages that they can model. So what is the attraction power in a marriage? It is knowing who you are as an individual and being committed to a marriage vision and mission that creates radiance! Intentional marriages lead to a deeper level of intimacy and fulfillment that transcends and attracts.
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LOCATION
11100 Ash Street, Suite 100
Leawood, KS 66211
DATE
Friday March 25th 7pm – 10:30pm
Saturday March 26th 8:30am – 2:30pm
Friday March 26th 7pm – 10:30pm
Saturday March 27th 8:30am – 2:30pm
PRICE and AVAILABILITY
Conference Price $395 per couple.
REGISTER NOW
Intentional New Year
As you embrace 2011 you deserve to be intentional in many areas of your life. One of the areas that I will challenge you in is your marriage. Whether you are married or engaged, your relationship needs time and attention in order to make it successful. Don’t miss this opportunity to examine the effectiveness of your marriage and start 2011 more connected and intimate with your spouse.
NAVIGATING MARRIAGE
INTENTIONAL CHOICES MARRIAGE CONFERENCE (download brochure)
Led by Marriage Coaches:
Bryan and Stephanie Vignery
Gary and Christy Kuzmich
Our mission is to assist couples to plot a course through intentional choices that result in action that empowers growth. Today’s marriages need intention more than ever before. With the divorce rate at approximately 50% percent for first marriages, 67% for second and 74% for third marriages, couples need to spend time looking at what is important in keeping marriage fresh and alive! We are committed to helping couples reach a new level of effectiveness in their marriage.
REGISTER NOW
CREATING AND SHARING A MAGNETIC MARRIAGE
Remember why you were attracted to your spouse? Was it magnetic? Today others are looking for radiant marriages that they can model. So what is the attraction power in a marriage? It is knowing who you are as an individual and being committed to a marriage vision and mission that creates radiance! Intentional marriages lead to a deeper level of intimacy and fulfillment that transcends and attracts.
REGISTER NOW
LOCATION
11100 Ash Street, Suite 100
Leawood, KS 66211
DATE
Friday November 19th 7pm – 10:30pm
Saturday November 20th 8:30am – 2:30pm
PRICE and AVAILABILITY
Conference Price $395 per couple.
REGISTER NOW
Navigating Marriage – Intentional Choices Conference
NAVIGATING MARRIAGE
INTENTIONAL CHOICES MARRIAGE CONFERENCE (download brochure)
Led by Marriage Coaches:
Bryan and Stephanie Vignery
Gary and Christy Kuzmich
Our mission is to assist couples to plot a course through intentional choices that result in action that empowers growth. Today’s marriages need intention more than ever before. With the divorce rate at approximately 50% percent for first marriages, 67% for second and 74% for third marriages, couples need to spend time looking at what is important in keeping marriage fresh and alive! We are committed to helping couples reach a new level of effectiveness in their marriage.
CREATING AND SHARING A MAGNETIC MARRIAGE
Remember why you were attracted to your spouse? Was it magnetic? Today others are looking for radiant marriages that they can model. So what is the attraction power in a marriage? It is knowing who you are as an individual and being committed to a marriage vision and mission that creates radiance! Intentional marriages lead to a deeper level of intimacy and fulfillment that transcends and attracts.
LOCATION
11100 Ash Street, Suite 100
Leawood, KS 66211
DATE
Friday November 19th 7pm – 10:30pm
Saturday November 20th 8:30am – 3:30pm
PRICE and AVAILABILITY
Conference Price $395 – The first 12 couples go for $295 per couple.
Leaving a Legacy
I witnessed a first hand testimony of a young man in his early twenties that was caught in the middle of anger and frustration due to the possible separation of his parents. His parents reached the point of what they thought was no return three years ago in their marriage and the son, at that point, decided he didn’t like his parents too much nor did he respect them for disrupting his security of having parents that were together.
The reason that I tell this story is not to highlight what divorce or separation can do to kids, but to highlight intentional living by parents. You see, the mother in this situation decided to get some help and direction. Due to her taking action and being intentional, the father and their son ended up attending Focus Seminars. I witnessed them come from a level of disconnection to embracing each other with open communication and honesty that broke down the walls of anger and frustration in a matter of five days. It was heart warming see them then take that openness and honesty and connect it as a family with mom.
Five days of intentional motivation was all they needed to change the legacy of their family. It didn’t only change the family but the generations to come. Because parents decided to not let life beat them down any longer, they will cherish the fruits of not only a connected marriage but kids and grand-kids that will forever be changed.
This may or may not be your story. Regardless, I challenge you to put yourself in the middle of the situation that needs intentionality in your life right now. What is the first step that could be taken for you? Is someone important to you waiting for you to take the first step? Surround yourself with people that want you to succeed and lean on them through your burden. You have what it takes to push to the next level of effectiveness. Make it happen!
Time for a Couple Checkup?
You get your oil changed every 3,000 miles . . . you get your teeth cleaned at least once a year . . . you even get regular physical exams . . . Your marriage deserves a checkup too!
It is important to do a checkup of your marital or dating relationship to keep up with your relational demands. One of the areas of my coaching and counseling business has been focused on helping couples achieve an intentional relationship. A couple checkup is one of the most effective and intentional tools that I have found to take an insightful look at the key areas of your relationship including communication, conflict resolution, financial management, spiritual beliefs and more.
How does the Couple Checkup work?
- Contact me with you and your significant others email address, and for a special price of $29.95, a link will be provided for you and your significant other.
- Answer a few background questions about your relationship, allowing the Couple Checkup to be customized to your relationship stage (dating, engaged, or married) and structure (with or without children, forming a stepfamily, etc.).
- Spend 20-30 minutes reading through a series of statements and indicate whether you “agree” or “disagree” that each statement accurately describes your relationship.
- Your partner will also login and respond to the same statements.
Once you are both finished, the computer system analyzes your responses and immediately generates your comprehensive Couple Checkup Report (approximately 20 page PDF file). You can then setup time with me to go through the results of the assessment in detail either face-to-face or over Skype. Finally, you will receive an extensive Discussion Guide (PDF file) designed to help you discuss and apply your results.
The goals of a Couple Checkup are straightforward:
- Take an in depth look at your own relationship
- Begin to identify your relationship strengths and issues that need attention
- Be proactive. Don’t wait for problems to become serious before dealing with them
- Spur on productive and insightful conversation that leads to action and change
Discover - Taking an online relationship inventory and generating your Couple Checkup Report will peak your curiosity. As you explore your results, you and your partner will discover your strengths and issues. You’ll see where you agree and disagree as you gain insight into one another’s perceptions of your relationship. You need to know where you’re starting from so you can chart a course for where you want to go.
Share - A key to any great relationship is communication. But how do you bring up the difficult topics? How do you create a safe environment for open discussion? The topics covered in the Couple Checkup help generate productive conversations you wouldn’t otherwise have; conversations that apply specifically to your relationship.
Grow - Each couple going through the Couple Checkup process has access to a free Discussion Guide. This workbook is filled with easy to use exercises designed to introduce new skills and facilitate discussions that will help you move from insight to action.
Take The 5 Love Languages profile with this widget
I have used the 5 Love Languages book for quite a while and most of you have probably read it (if not go get it). It’s always good to have a reminder…take the profile below:
I have used the 5 Love Languages book for quite a while and most of you have probably read it (if not go get it). It’s always good to have a reminder…take the profile below:
Manipulation and Desperation
I was reading Seth Godin’s post titled “Who is easily manipulated?” from his blog the other day and it struck me in a powerful way. The post discusses manipulation in a way that I believe everyone can learn something about themselves whether they feel manipulated or not. Seth states “I define manipulation as working to spread an idea or generate an action that is not in a person’s long-term best interest.”
I know there have been many situations in my life where my best interest was not in the other person’s mind. I know there have been situations in my life where I didn’t have the other person’s best interest in mind. What would it look like if our desire was to spread an idea or generate an action with a person’s long-term best interest in mind?
As I read about manipulation, I was prompted to think about people who are in desperate situations in life. I have always said that “desperate people do desperate things”, and most of the time the desperate things result in not having someone’s best interest in mind. It is difficult to be on that end of a person’s desperate situation. Although, with some awareness through past experiences, it is possible to see the manipulation coming down the line.
He also states:
The easiest people to manipulate are those that don’t demand a lot of information, are open to messages from authority figures and are willing to make decisions on a hunch, particularly if there’s a promise of short-term gains.
In our media driven world it is easy to get hung up in this kind of manipulation! A good number of teens that I see in my practice are buying into the promise of short-term gains. Many individuals in marriage are buying into the promise of short-term gains. A lot of the hurts that we experience have been because in some way we have bought into the lie that we don’t need a lot of information to make our choices. We can make them on a whim and everything will work out. No matter if it is financial, emotional, spiritual or physical gain we need to be aware of what we are being sold so we don’t get knocked off track!
Modeling Marriage and Parenting
We learn how to be a mom or a dad by the way we were parented. We learn how to treat our sons and daughters by the way we were treated by our parents. We learn how to be husbands and wives by the way our dads treated our moms and how our moms treated our dads.
Our children are learning in the same fashion that we did!
Some of had great modeling growing up and some of us had less than desirable modeling growing up. What are you going to do about the way you learned about marriage and parenting today?
Investing in oursleves by looking at where we came from can be just the ticket we have been looking for. Since we cannot change or heal what we don’t first acknowledge, it is imparative that we examine our lives if we anticipate to correct our “out of line” ways of doing things. It’s not about blaming our parents in any way; it’s about assuming accountability for what we are doing present day.
What are you going to change today?