Trapped in the Silence of Shame
Shame has been discussed since the early part of the Book of Genesis when Adam and Eve exhibited their shame by immediately covering themselves up after the fall. Shame is a natural expression of feeling overexposed in a particular situation or event. There is a point where this shame moves past a healthy shame into what John Bradshaw calls Toxic Shame. As we move through life, we can have a tendency to get caught up and Trapped in the Silence of Shame.
In the below video, Bryan gives a perspective on how we get trapped in this shame and how to start working our way out! This inspiring 40-minute presentation will not only help you understand how we get trapped in shame but will help you have an awareness of how to move past the shame that becomes so toxic in your life.
If you want more information on Bryan and his services, please feel free to contact him through the CONTACT US form or call him at 913-568-8276.
If you would like to download the PowerPoint slides for this presentation you can do so by this link: TrappedInTheSilenceOfShame.
The Power of Change
CHOICE: Catalyst for Change
Choice is POWER. Choice is FREE WILL. It can bring us closer to or further from our dreams. Each decision I make points me to the road of success or the path of mediocrity.
Many of us act as if were in rudderless boats drifting in the sea of life. Our destination? Who knows? We arrive wherever the currents and tides take us. But it doesn’t have to be that way. You see, the boat we’re in has a rudder! It can steer us to the shore of success. That rudder is CHOICE. If we use it with intention, we can become the captain of our destiny.
What is your rudder? Is it friends? Is it events? Is it the fixed dysfunctional beliefs of your past? It’s time to challenge your rudder and cast a vision for your life! If you don’t, someone or something with choose it for you!
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to CHOOSE our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” – Viktor Frankl.
Thought and Character
I came across a little book called “As A Man Thinketh”, by James Allen. James Allen is partly responsible for launching an entire self-improvement industry starting back in late 1800′s. His thoughts that are captured in what he called his “little volume” are inspiring and thought provoking.
Right out of the gate of his book I found the following passage that loaded with insight that I believe we could all use as the foundation of our lives.
As the plant springs from, and could not be without, the seed, so every act of man springs from the hidden seeds of thought, and could not have appeared without them. This applies equally to those acts called “spontaneous” and “unpremeditated” as to those which are deliberately executed.
Act is the blossom of thought, and joy and suffering are its fruit; thus does a man garner in the sweet and bitter fruitage of his own husbandry.
As I processed these two paragraphs I found a lot of clarity about actions that are made in life. This statement significantly impressed me; “every act of man springs from the hidden seeds of thought”. What are the hidden seeds of thought that keep producing seeds of suffering for you?
The seeds of thoughts (beliefs) grow over time and become roots that reach deep into the soil of your life. Those roots support the branches of character (values). The branches produce the fruit in our lives. What kind of fruit do you want in your life? If you are not seeing the desired fruit around you, there are some thoughts (beliefs) that need some help!
James goes on to make the following point:
Cause and effect are as absolute and undeviating in the hidden realm of thought as in the world of visible and material things. A noble and God-like character is not a thing of favor or chance, but is the natural result of continued effort of right thinking, the effect of long-cherished association with God-like thoughts. An ignoble and bestial character, by the same process, is the result of the continued harboring of groveling thoughts.
It takes more than just the positive thinking that some will practice. It takes the effort of modifying the core thoughts (beliefs) to eradicate the “ignoble and bestial character” and embrace the God-like character that I believe we all desire, whether we give God the credit or not. Take some time this week to challenge your thoughts (beliefs) that are creating suffering…and remember, we all were created for joy!
For those of you who are like me and are not sure what the word husbandry means, here is the definition: the cultivation and production of edible crops or of animals for food; agriculture; farming.
Moral Tolerance
There is an invisible line in our lives that determines which side of morality we fall on. When it comes to morality, there is a right and there is a wrong. There is a moral law we have distorted in order to make it more comfortable for our everyday lives. It’s my belief that this tolerance creates confusion to all. Young children cannot understand the moral tolerance that some of us lead with. Young children will follow what the adults around them display, not necessarily what they say…and there in lies the tolerance. What would it be like if our actions matched up with the moral convictions that were rooted in truth? When we have rules without clear understanding it creates rebellion in a young persons life. When we follow up our rules with relational understanding, our children connect with truth.
When my daughter gets in her strong-willed stance and decides that no one is going to tell her what to do, I have a decision to make…lay down the law and the rules and leave it at that…or get down on her level and build a relationship with her that communicates loving discipline. I don’t know about you but I didn’t have a lot of clear understanding of why things are happening when I was a young child. I was to do what was right, even though I didn’t necessarily understand it.
I believe that when we close the gap on the tolerance, we start seeing fruit in our lives that creates clarity and direction. We start surrounding ourselves with people that are accountable for their actions. Our mission in life starts to be unveiled when we get clear on what we will tolerate morally. What will you tolerate around you? Will you stand for truth or will you let your morals slide?